What I Want My Students to Know

Teaching is by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It is also the most rewarding thing I've ever done. Today, I had a couple of situations where I had to go out of my way, out of my job description, to get a student the help that he/she needed. I was thinking about this my whole (hour long if there's no traffic) drive home. 
I want my students (and their parent/guardian) to know that I am going to advocate for them.  I want to be known as a teacher who cares so immensely about her students.  I hope that my students know that I want what is best for them.  I hope they know that I love them. 
I pray for these students. I pray that they will know how cared for they are.  I pray that they will see Jesus through me. 
I find myself thinking about them when I'm doing things outside of school.  Do they have someone at home who can provide for them?  Did they get dinner tonight?  Did somebody pay the electric bill so they have A/C at their house? 
My heart is just so heavy with these thoughts lately. I hope that my students understand where I am coming from and why I am the way I am. I'm tough on my students because I care so much. 
I want my students to remember me as the teacher who made a difference in their lives. 

Long Time No See

Hey y'all! Sorry it has taken me so long to write again. I have been so incredibly busy! Thank You, Jesus, for these next 5 days off school!! I desperately needed them (and so did the students!). I have so many things on my mind right now. I feel like making a list. Lists calm me down and help me feel like I have slightly more control than I really do. 

• I love looking at stars and finding ones that I remember from taking astronomy in college. Tonight I found Venus and it comforted me. I guess it made me feel better because I know that I am not alone in this crazy universe. God created so much more than what we can see or even fathom. Here's the picture I took of Venus. 
  
• 3 years ago today I found my princess kitty. I can't believe that she is 4 years old! 
• We don't know Libby's or Barli's exact birth dates. I decided that the day I found Libby (November 26) would be her birthday. When we got Barli, we decided to make her birthday the same day as Libby's. We know Barli was born sometime in November, so November 26 sounded good! haha
• Teaching is the hardest thing I've ever done. Like ever. I don't know how people do it for 30+ years.
• I really, really, really love being married. It's like having a sleep over with my best friend every night. I am so glad that I found someone who I can share silence with.

Life Lately

Hi y'all! Sorry that I haven't written in what feels like 100 years! Did you know that having a full time job is not easy? I didn't know. I was definitely surprised. I honestly did not think it would be this hard. I hate feeling unprepared, but honestly, that's all I feel lately. I have such a great support system, though. I have really had to learn to rely on them and on God who is enough for me.  This morning while I was doing my Bible Study Fellowship lesson one question really stood out to me. It asked "What positive and/or negative thoughts does the word 'saved' bring to you? Why?" Here's my answer: "Rescue - I am completely helpless without God's gift of salvation. I NEED to be saved, rescued. It's not a matter of need versus want... It's not up for debate. I NEED a Savior." That's what I have realized over the past 4 weeks of school. I cannot do this without Him. I tried. Ask me how that went. The past 2 days where I've started my day with God, meeting Him in my kitchen before school, have been INCREDIBLY DIFFERENT than the other days I've been at school. I have had more patience, more empathy, the students have been better behaved. I know that it's God.  A little update on Barli: She had her leg amputated today. This was an extremely difficult decision to make. I posted my thoughts on it here. My super awesome, loving, caring, stud muffin husband dropped her off at the vet this morning. I am so thankful that he was able to do it so that I didn't have to. I am having a really hard time with this. I feel so silly for crying about it, but it literally makes me cry. We will pick her up either Friday evening or Saturday morning. What I keep thinking is that I'll never see my dog with all her limbs again. Please pray for me that I'll have peace with our decision and for Barli's recovery! 

Barli Bear

In case you don't know Barli's story, here you go: In February, my sister-in-law who volunteers at the humane society in Bryan texted Tom and told him about a brindle Boxer puppy at the shelter. She told us that the puppy had a broken leg. Tom told me about her and I was convinced that we had to save her. Tom was the first approved applicant, so the puppy was ours. 
We named her Barli (little bear) and she stole our hearts. Tom took her to a vet down here to have her leg looked at and the vet gave us two options: amputate or try to save the leg. We chose to try to save the leg, even though it was more expensive and not guaranteed to work. Barli had surgery to put pins in her leg. These pins were in there for about a month and a half. She couldn't be a normal puppy during this time. She couldn't run or jump. She cried a lot and was on constant medications. When her pins came out it was such a good day. We had a "normal" puppy. 
Fast forward to May. We had noticed that Barli isn't walking right. This has caused her to put pressure on her paw and the pads on the bottom of her paw were wearing away. We took her to the vet in Mansfield and he gave us some medicine to put on the pads. By June the problem hadn't gotten any better. We had an x-ray of her leg done and it seemed like the bone didn't heal correctly. This is what was (possibly) causing her to walk wrong. Dr. K told us we might have to amputate a toe. 
Fast forward to yesterday. The pads were STILL gone (think bloody paw prints everywhere) and an abscess had formed on the side of her foot, too. I took her to the vet in College Station today and he did an x-ray. He said that he thinks everything healed correctly, but that there has been nerve damage in her paw and that's why she walks wrong, twisting her foot with every step. He suggested we amputate the whole leg. He said that there's not going to be a way to save the foot. Of course, we are going to get a second opinion from Dr. K, but how do you look at your puppy that you've come to love so much and try to picture her with one less leg? 
How do you decide whether or not your dog gets to keep all her legs? How do you know if you're making the right decision? How do you make that decision knowing that you can't go back? I feel like this is so insignificant when compared to other people's problems, but she's my fur baby. She's the closest thing I have to a child and I want to protect her. I want to take the pain from her. I want to make it all go away. I want to have a "normal" 7 month old Boxer, who doesn't lay on the couch all day, not eating, not playing, because she's hurting. 
Please pray for us that we will have wisdom making this decision. My heart is hurting. 

Choosing to Laugh

I'm a mess, y'all... I have lost [and found] our marriage license TWICE in the past week... I can't make this up. I think that I have really bad wedding brain still. I also think that it has something to do with getting a job and filling out SO many papers. I usually don't mind paperwork, but it was a beat down for sure! I am really ready for the school year to start and for things to get back to normal. We don't know where we will be living in August which is really scary for me. I know that God will make sure that we have somewhere to stay [probably with one of our families for a month] and that I shouldn't worry about it, but I am SUCH a worrier. I keep this verse close to my heart at all times

I am a woman of God and I don't need to worry about the days to come!! I can focus on being a good homemaker and wifey right now! I don't need to let the worry of tomorrow overshadow today. This doesn't mean that we won't be working to save money [and maybe make a little money] these next 6 weeks, but that I won't be consumed by that worry. God has so much in store for us and I can't wait to see what happens in the coming months. I am thankful to have God's Word to comfort me when I worry. Thank You, Lord, for allowing me to laugh at the days to come!

Choosing Happiness

I have been struggling with something for as long as I can remember. I have a really hard time being happy for people. Even people I want to be happy for, I have a super difficult time getting there. I know this stems from jealousy and jealousy stems from my own insecurities. I definitely am aware of my insecurities, and I think that knowing that they're there makes this a little bit easier to deal with. I want to be able to celebrate other peoples success without feeling like I'm a complete failure. I want to be happy for my friends who have things that I don't have without feeling like I need to have it first. I want to be happy for my sister who excels at most things she does. I have such a hard time with this! Why can't I just be happy for people that I genuinely love and care for? I need God to work on this in me. I want Him to bring to light my insecurities so I can face them and not feel jealous toward these people. I am praying for Him to show me how to be happy for others. I want Him to help me have better self confidence, so I don't constantly feel the need to compare myself to others. I love this quote:

I could not agree more. I need to stop feeling like I need to have what others have. I am so blessed and don't need to compare myself to others in order to know that. How often when I'm teaching/tutoring/subbing do I tell students, "you worry about you." Why can I not follow my own advice? This doesn't mean that I'm not going to care about other people, but I need to remember that my success isn't defined by what is going on in someone else's life.
 Lord, I'm asking you to please help me to only be concerned with me. Help me not to compare myself to others. Help me to be happy for other people in my life. I know that with Your help, I can do this.
If you think about me, please pray for me that I will be strong in my effort to be happy for others. I like to think that I am a happy person, but if I cannot be happy for others, then am I really happy? I want to be REALLY happy. I want REAL joy.